how do I live? how do I survive? When I was a kid, and I was going to fall asleep, I used to imagine that there was a spike under my bed. That it was mechanised, and that it would thrust straight up through me at some random time. At a time I had no control over. The best I could do was make a guess, and wriggle around in an attempt to dodge it. Often I would sleep to one side of the bed, never in the middle... that's where the spike was... how do I live? how do I survive? Nowadays, whenever I go to the movies I always get a brief thought that an axe is going to be swung straight down onto my skull as I sit still in the cinema chair. It's so dark in there. It would be so easy to get me. I'm not really supposed to turn around and eyeball the people behind me to see if they're holding an axe either... that would be kinda rude... I picture just how easily my skull would crack open to an axe. Like a cantaloupe. how do I live? how do I survive? I'll often recite these words to myself "how do I live?"... "how do I survive?"... Survive what exactly? I'm already alive... I'm not really that scared anymore either. Even though these sound like fears. Fear has been subdued! It's strange since I would have thought that the two are somehow linked. My fear of death; the strange scenarios in which I'm dying. But I still think about these things, but more as a matter-of-fact. "Oh I'm at the cinema, time to think about that axe thing... yupp... like a cantaloupe indeed!" It's like a locational trigger now. I guess. I no longer think about the bed spike though... I guess that one was too ridiculous.